For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
