I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
