True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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