Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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