I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
