I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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