uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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