My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
