She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
