Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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