She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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