i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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