Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
