this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize