Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
