One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
