is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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