i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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