Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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