Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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