He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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