Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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