The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
