If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize