You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
