does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
