Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In other news, I just burned my penis
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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