I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize