I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
