fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
