yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You took a bar mat shot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
