Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
