Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize