In the future we'll all be gay
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
