it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
