marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize