Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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