dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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