I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
