I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize