You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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