The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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