Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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