I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
