Screwed.edu
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
