Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
