I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Randomize
