margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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