Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
