I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
