i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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