I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
