Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
