You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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