My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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