Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
