So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
