Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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