she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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