that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
