oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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