Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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