i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
