I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
