if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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