Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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