Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize