Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
