Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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