it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
