I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
