What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
