I wannas sexs uuuuu
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize