I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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