Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
