How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
