I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
