Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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