what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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