you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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