Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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