why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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