Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
