insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
3 2 1 whiskey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
