And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize