some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
