Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
