Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
