he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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