WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize