I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
