Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
