i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
