Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
