he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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