I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
