OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
