I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
