I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
