While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
