I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
