u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
