also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
