why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
