I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
