im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
