This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
