Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As shirtless as possible
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
